I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
time to smoke my breakfast
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
