careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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