Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
