so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My cat gives me a boner
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
