3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
well you can't waste a boner
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
