Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
