They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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