just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
