So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
