dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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