the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
