Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
