I cannot find my penis.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
