Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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