Well apparently he's into motor boating.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
