there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
