Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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