she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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