I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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