It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
