super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
