I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Welp...herpes.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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