I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
