he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
