You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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