i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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