walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My vagina is very pro this idea
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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