Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
