At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
