at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
