btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
