Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
