i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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