i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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