oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Drake has all the answers
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
