I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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