I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
