her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I supernannyed him into submission
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
