He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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