I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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