no, he came in my armpit
time to smoke my breakfast
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
