Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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