Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just threw up on my dentist
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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