dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
