I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
