when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
