remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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