are you still at the devil's house?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
