youre lurking in front of me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
