i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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