Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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