Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
